PART I: Mincing with Julienne: A Saga written in Blood
I don’t remember the date of the fateful afternoon, the day when I marched into the Artist’s Abode (kitchen- in mortals eyes) of the School of Tourism and Hospitality to undergo my first day of skill development, aka, learning how to chop and mince vegetables. That was also the day on which I donned the uniform of a chef for the first time and I had the feeling that I am a Samurai. Immediately after entering, I was asked to sharpen my sword (knife, before mortals eyes) and waited for Chef McBride to instruct the task of the day.
McBride smiled at me, the newbie, and I felt relaxed and beside me stood Siddharth, who promised to guide me in the right direction and make me excel as an efficient husband (I meant, cooking food for my future wife). The Chef took a carrot, peeled it and uttering a sound, ‘poop’, each time he made a cut, shaped the vegetable longitudinally and then diagonally and in the end he had nice small strips and cuts in front of him called jullienne and dice. Same happened to the onion, and the cut was so artistic that it is difficult to describe, but the result was minced onion. All I can say is that you need to run your knife on a piece of onion a number of times, lengthwise, side-wise to get the effect.
I thought, wow, that was cool and it looks easy. So cutting vegetables is not gonna be as difficult as I thought.
On his instruction, each of us picked up a carrot and an onion, went to our table and took hold of the knife.
As careful as a surgeon, I levelled my knife and i made my very first cut in history.
My first cut was a dampener as it slipped from the carrot. I tried again, BLOOP! slipped again. My God, I was fast realizing that food preparation was not an easy task. Oh Mom, how many times you asked me to learn cut vegetables and every time I acted being the male chauvinist pig (which ladies, I am not) and escaped. 29 years you fed me with such difficulty????
But such thoughts were not helping me at the time and Siddarth’s guidance- through words- were not helping either. After five minutes of relentless effort I looked like an idiot with my carrot transforming into zombified version of julienne and dice. But then entered the master, Chef McBride, who showcased the art specially for me.
On my second try, I managed to get it done, not as evenly as Chef or other students, but for a first timer, I found it ok feeling elevated. I told Siddarth, ” Man! so this is what is the excitement caused by cooking. and you been in the field for some time, how lucky!”
I was not sure why he gave me a sympathetic look.
Then I took an onion and since Chef showed it a second time, started managing it somehow. The difference was while he cut it like butter, I was trying to cut it like a thick piece of mutton. Once the sidewise and lengthwise cuts were over, the next part came- mincing. For some unknown reason it was found easy and as I ran my knife through the onion, spreading on to the right side were tiny , teeny pieces of onion and I found myself smiling.
And as I looked up I saw the girl opposite to me giving smiles of admiration and pride swelled, I am too good, huh? For a first timer?
But in that brief period of emotional exchange, I totally forgot the advise of Chef , as to where to place my knuckles and fingers and TEAR!!!!! There went a piece of my skin on my forefinger and I saw red BLOOD.
BLOOD, PAIN, CASUALTY!!!!! I shouted and McBride came to my aid. It is only a scratch George. Here, wrap it up in a bandage and welcome to the club, he said, patting my shoulder.
While dealing with the bandage near the wash basin, I looked up to check where the girl is and to my shock she was still looking with admiration. SHOCKER!!!!!! but I was not where she was looking at. All the while she was admiring Siddarth???? I am going to kill that traitor. As I strained my head like a giraffe I found that poor Sid was also not there, but behind where we stood was another young man whom I realized was the receiver of those looks. Yeah, why not, he diced and minced vegetables like Beethoven playing his 9th Symphony.
Experts claim that it is lucky to begin cooking with blood. But my saga was at the cost of an erratic signal transmission. I felt my eyes swelling and brimming to the tip with tears.
It was not due to heart pain, dear smirking reader, but, the volatile sulfurous vapours formed as a result of crushed onion cells could create tears. Ask ” Julienne” , she will vouch for it.